Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
