Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
