So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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