he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
