Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
