My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
