I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
