My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
