The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Nobody cheats on THIS.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
