Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
