She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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