I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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