I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Randomize
