I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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