After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
