Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
