i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
