It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
