With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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