she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
