we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
