Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
