You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
