What did we do last night that was yellow?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
