you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
