shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
