I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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