Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
