I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Randomize
