Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
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