I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
