She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
