You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
