but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
