I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
is wine microwaveable?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
