I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
