Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
