I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
