I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
