Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
