the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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