you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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