i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
