Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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