Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
