guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Green mimosas i think yes
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
