Plan B is the new Plan A
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
