I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
