Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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