..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
