What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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