I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
