I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
