Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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