I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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