I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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